Planetary Retrograde - Alien Style Horoscope

Alright, space cadets! Buckle up and grab your proton packs because this planetary retrograde is going to be a wild ride. I'm not saying we're facing an alien invasion, but let's just say even the chestbursters would lay low this week.

Mercury is chilling out in Capricorn, bringing all the practicality and discipline of Ripley in hyper-sleep. Don't be surprised if you find yourself suddenly keen on organizing your collection of vintage Star Trek memorabilia. #MercuryInCapricorn #TrekkieLife

Meanwhile, Venus is gallivanting around Sagittarius like a Xenomorph on the Nostromo. Expect your love life to get as spicy as a bowl of Klingon Gagh. Just remember, no matter how attractive the alien, always check for facehuggers. #VenusInSagittarius #LoveIsAnAlien

Mars is hanging out with Mercury in Capricorn, which means it's time to take action. It's like that moment when you realize you're the last survivor and it's down to you to blow the alien out of the airlock. Just be careful not to get sucked out yourself. #MarsInCapricorn #DontForgetTheSpaceSuit

Jupiter is lounging in Taurus, bringing prosperity and growth. But remember, in space, no one can hear you scream... about your newfound wealth. So keep it balanced, or else you might end up floating aimlessly like a rogue asteroid. #JupiterInTaurus #SpaceBucks

Saturn's taking a swim in Pisces, so brace yourselves for a cosmic emotional rollercoaster. If you think Ripley had it tough dealing with Jonesy the cat, just wait until Saturn unleashes its tidal waves of feels. #SaturnInPisces #AllTheFeels

Uranus in Taurus is shaking things up like a malfunctioning hypersleep chamber. Expect unexpected changes and try not to panic. Remember, if all else fails, there's always the self-destruct button. #UranusInTaurus #SelfDestructIn5

Neptune is joining Saturn in Pisces and the cosmic waters are more than a little murky.